6 Habits That Transformed My Leadership

I’m going to reveal six habits that quite literally transformed my leadership.

I missed out on years of implementing some of these habits, for which I’m kicking myself.

But that doesn’t have to be you.

You can implement these habits immediately and start getting results right away.

I guarantee that some of these habits will surprise you.

And I’m willing to bet that there are only a few of you who will actually implement the final habit.

Maybe it’s you, maybe not, we’ll have to see.

Alright, let’s dive in.

HABIT #1: CULTIVATE YOUR MORNING

Many years ago, I began to notice that all the leaders I studied and respected had a specific morning routine they adhered to.

It was always a series of habits that they lived by religiously.

Up until the time I started having kids, I didn’t adhere to much of a morning routine.

I would wake up whenever it felt right (as long as I got to work on time).

I wouldn’t have much of a structure to my morning (as long as it involved coffee and walking out the door with clothes on).

I wouldn’t start my day with much of a plan; I’d sort of figure out a plan once I got into work.

This worked for me for a while… Until it didn’t.

Once I had kids, everything started to change.

My mornings slowly began to start with increasing chaos.

It started to impact my mood.

I was starting the day off tired, grumpy, and annoyed, with no plan for my day.

My responsibilities kept increasing, and every day I felt like I was waking up already behind the eight ball.

I started to think back to all the leaders that I respected, and I realized that I needed to make some changes.

I needed to start the day differently.

I needed to take control of my mornings.

Thus began the start of my “morning stack”

This is my set of morning habits that I have had for years now.

It has taken shape over the last five or six years, but the foundations have always been present.

Let me tell you exactly what it looks like:

My morning starts the night before when I lay out my gym clothes

My alarm goes off at 4:40

I quietly grab my clothes and sneak out of the room so as not to wake my wife (although some mornings I do because I’m clumsy)

I go downstairs, brush my teeth, and get dressed for the gym.

I meet my buddies at the gym at 5:00 am.

We kick butt most days, but sometimes we just show up and complain about wanting to get more sleep (hint: those are the days that matter the most)

I head home around 6:30 am.

Here’s the best part: when I get home, my family is still asleep, and the house is quiet.

I get coffee, and I start an extended quiet time.

I’m a man of faith, so I start the time off with reading my Bible and praying.

And then I use the rest of my time to think and plan my day out.

I'll pull out my calendar, lay out my schedule, and then I’ll decide on two or three of the most important tasks I need to accomplish that day.

Then, around 7:30 am, I’ll spend time connecting with my wife.

By 8:00 am, you’ll hear the sound of a herd of buffalo coming from upstairs down to my living room, where my wife and I are sitting.

Those are my children who know that until 8:00 am, they are imprisoned in their bedrooms.

I then turn into Dad until I head to work at 9:00 am.

That’s my morning stack.

I live by it.

It’s the only way that I can own my day rather than my day owning me.

So, cultivate your ideal morning.

HABIT #2: ASK “WHAT ELSE?”

This might be a weird one, but I swear by it.

There are two things that I discovered about leadership, specifically when it comes to leading teams.

First, great leaders build teams that communicate openly, share ideas freely, and foster an environment where team members feel safe expressing their thoughts and feelings without judgment.

The second thing I learned is that team members almost never do this by default.

It’s the leader's job to pull this out of a team, to encourage team members to feel safe sharing and communicating.

In fact, it can require a significant amount of energy to establish this kind of culture within your team.

One simple way I do this is by asking my team, “What else?”

In fact, apparently, I do this so much that my team started “lovingly” teasing me about it.

Here’s why I do this.

First, it’s an invitation to speak.

You’d be surprised how many team members assume meetings are just for the leader to speak to them.

That’s actually not what I think meetings are for at all.

I view team meetings as a way for the TEAM to speak to ME.

As the leader, I need to hear what my team has to say.

I need them to communicate to me what they’re seeing, what they’re hearing, and what they’re feeling.

That’s the information I need to lead better.

So, I ask questions. And I wait for them to speak.

I’m perfectly happy to sit in silence to let them think.

And then guess what happens?

One by one, they start to open up.

If there’s a break in the discussion, I’ll say, “What else?”

And you know what?

There’s usually more.

And it’s usually the most important things we need to talk about.

Try it out. See what happens.

I think you’ll be surprised.

HABIT #3: EAT LUNCH WITH YOUR TEAM

Now, for some of you, this may be really foreign.

Eat lunch with my employees?

Hey, take it or leave it.

But trust me when I say that this had a significant positive effect on our team.

We could easily use the time to get 20-30 more minutes of work done, but the value of sharing a meal together in the middle of our day has proven to be a far more valuable use of that time for the overall team.

We don’t usually talk shop; we literally just hit the pause button in our day, heat up our lunch, and gather to eat and connect.

It’s a time when I can usually gauge how the team is doing.

Do they look tired?

Do they seem motivated?

Are there problems or stresses they’re dealing with?

Is there something on a personal level that's bothering them?

I’m telling you now, this is one of the most strategic times of the day for our team.

It’s like halftime.

We refuel, refocus, and restrategize before the second half.

I view it as my daily thermometer on the health and culture of my team.

I lead a team that works really hard and lives in a high-pressure environment where the stakes are high.

Taking a lunch break and sharing it together is a small yet meaningful way to foster a personal connection in the work you do.

Not to mention, lunch is normally a positive part of the day.

Most people look forward to lunch.

So, every day, my team associates lunch (something they look forward to) with spending time with their team members.

After lunch, we walk and get coffee together, and then start the second stretch of our workday.

It’s such a wonderful habit that gives so much life to our team.

I highly recommend that you try it out. See what happens.

Or at least find something similar that works for you and your context.

HABIT #4: ASK “WHAT DO YOU THINK?”

This habit is related to delegation.

One of the things I’ve realized in my leadership journey so far is that many of the team members you lead will often come to you asking for guidance on what they should do in a given situation or with a particular decision.

What I’ve learned is that these team members are usually fully capable of making the necessary decisions.

In fact, more often than not, they are in a better position than you as the leader to make the best decision.

What they really want is affirmation or permission to do what they already know is the right thing to do.

Here’s what I've gotten in the habit of saying to my team members if they come knocking for my opinion: “What do YOU think?”

Nine times out of ten, they’re spot on.

And all I have to say at that point is, “I agree.”

It has been crucial in my leadership journey to empower my team members to make more decisions and take on more challenging ones as well.

Decision-making can be so fatiguing for a leader.

I’ve found that I need to really mitigate how many decisions I make and prioritize the decisions that only I can make.

That’s why developing the habit of saying, “What do YOU think?” is so powerful.

Okay, moving on.

HABIT #5: JOURNALING

To be honest, I was one of those guys who had a negative view of journaling for the longest time.

It seemed overly contemplative and moody to me.

I got the “Dear Diary” kind of vibe.

I was wrong.

Straight up, I was wrong.

I initially started journaling to deal with anxiety, and I quickly realized that it was a game-changer for me.

The benefits that I have experienced so far are incredible.

It helps me think.

It helps me process.

It helps me strategize.

It helps me plan my day.

It helps manage my stress.

It helps me practice gratitude.

It helps me spiritually and emotionally.

Because I date my journal, it helps me gain perspective on previous seasons of leadership.

It’s also nice to break free from the constraints of a device.

There’s something about ink on paper that unlocks a different level of thought and creativity.

I can’t explain it.

Take it from a former skeptic.

Give it a try.

It may change your life.

Okay, we’ve come to the last habit.

You may think this is crazy.

You may think this is impossible.

I don’t know.

But here it is.

HABIT #6: TAKE A MONTHLY RETREAT

Yes, I said monthly.

This is a habit that my father actually modeled for me.

My father's a great leader.

In the early days of his leadership, he would always take a monthly overnight trip to the mountains.

He’d leave on a Thursday afternoon and come back on a Friday morning.

It was barely 24 hours, but he swore by its impact on his emotional, physical, and spiritual tanks as a leader in those early days.

For years, I heard this leadership advice and never acted on it.

For one thing, I felt guilty leaving my wife with the kids while I went off to recharge and refocus.

But that changed about a year or so ago when both my wife and I realized that the demands of life and leadership were too great for me to ignore this habit anymore.

In fact, she looked at me one day (I probably was looking and acting like a shell of myself) and she said, “You need to go to the mountains. I’m booking it today.”

I didn’t realize how deeply I needed to get away to recharge and refocus until that very first retreat.

It was just one night, again, just over 24 hours.

But wow, I came back a different man.

I was a better husband, father, leader, friend, you name it…

From then on, my wife and I were both convinced that this needed to be a monthly habit for me.

Now part of that is because I’m an introvert.

I gain my emotional energy from being alone.

My wife also has excellent life-giving practices, but she’s not an introvert like me, so she wouldn’t necessarily want to be alone for 24 hours.

So, this habit may not be right for you, but it definitely changed my life and leadership.

It may sound strange to say this, but it’s definitely a discipline.

I still feel guilty leaving the family, even though I know it’s for my own health and my wife is 100% supportive.

Sometimes I don’t feel like I have the margin to get away.

I can easily convince myself that I have too much to do to spend time recharging.

And then I’m quickly reminded when I do take the retreat just how important and beneficial it is.

It’s becoming increasingly important for my overall life and leadership.

It may seem impossible at first.

But I highly encourage you to adopt this habit or some kind of monthly retreat.

Particularly, if you want to last as a leader without burning out.

There you have it.

Keep fighting the good fight, my friend.

I’ll see you again real soon.