9 Toxic Habits Every Leader Should Eliminate

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9 Habits that are killing you, killing your team, and killing your organization.

I guarantee you’ve danced with at least a few of these habits at some point.

We all have.

But here’s the thing.

If you can eliminate these habits or replace them with healthier ones.

You grow, your team grows, and your organization grows.

It’s really that simple.

Now, is it easy to kick these habits?

Some of them, yes… Others, maybe not…

But I can guarantee you that nothing will change until you look these habits square in the eye and make a commitment to address them.

So, today, we’re going to get them all out on the table, and we’re going to go to work on them.

Not only are we going to expose the bad habits we need to address as leaders, but we’re also going to look at healthy habits that will replace them.

By the end of this episode, you should have a very clear action plan to take your leadership to the next level.

Let's dive in!

HABIT 1: Humiliating Team Members

Unless a team member is being disrespectful, exhibiting an attitude, or acting out of line, there is no reason a leader should publicly say or do anything that would potentially embarrass them.

But unfortunately, a lot of leaders do this.

In fact, it’s relatively easy to do.

It can happen when you publicly call someone out on a failure or single them out on a performance issue.

It can happen when you shut down an idea they have or ask them to present something they weren’t prepared for.

This is particularly common for more autocratic leadership styles.

Leaders like this can humiliate people, knowingly or unknowingly, as a control tactic.

It’s also common in insecure leaders.

Putting others down can make them feel more confident.

No matter the nature of it, nobody wants to feel humiliated, and most people don’t want to see someone else humiliated.

So, when leaders do this, what happens?

It creates fear and anxiety.

Even the smallest amount of humiliation can create lasting anxiety or tension in people

Now there are plenty of dysfunctional leaders who like this.

They like using this tactic to gain more control or confidence.

But it’s toxic.

Here’s what we should do instead.

The opposite of humiliation would be affirmation.

Instead of humiliating people, affirm them. Honor them. Encourage them.

Also, if you need to give them feedback that you think could potentially embarrass them, just give it to them privately.

And when you give that feedback, do it in an affirming way!

HABIT 2: Overreacting

This habit is similar to the previous one in its effect on your team and organization.

An overreacting leader can create a lot of unnecessary fear and anxiety.

You can tell the quality of a leader by how they react to issues.

In another recent episode on crisis leadership, we looked at George W. Bush’s reaction to the news of America being under attack during 9/11.

Did he overreact? No.

He was calm and resilient.

I doubt many of us will ever face a harder issue in leadership, yet too many of us still overreact to lesser issues.

We can’t do this.

It creates a culture where everyone feels like they’re walking on eggshells.

You don’t want that.

It’s breaking their spirits.

And it’s toxic.

All you’re doing is creating an anxious culture that only pursues excellence because it’s what you, as the leader, demand, and they’ll do it because they’re scared of your reaction, not because they actually believe it inside their own heart.

What you should do instead of overreacting is create a habit of over-preparing and over-communicating.

For instance, if you over-prepare for worst-case scenarios, you never need to overreact to them; you’re just reacting with what you’ve prepared, which is healthy.

If you over-communicate the need for excellence, you never need to overreact to a lapse in it; you simply draw people back to the shared value of excellence.

You see how this works?

Over-reactant leaders are usually just responding to what they failed to do in the first place.

Now, let’s go to the opposite end of the spectrum for a moment.

HABIT 3: Passivity

This is the great enemy of leadership.

Why?

Because leadership is the opposite of passivity.

Leadership is about influencing others; passivity is about being influenced by others.

Leadership is about taking action; passivity is about avoiding action.

Whether it’s passive conflict resolution, passive aggression, passive decision-making, passive problem-solving, etc.

It ALL needs to go.

When you choose to be passive, you’re choosing to forgo being the leader.

Instead, you need to be an action taker.

People choose the path of passivity because it seems easier.

But a leader chooses the path of intentional action.

Any time you hear that little voice in your head, tempting you to take the path of passivity, you remind yourself, “No, I’m a leader, and leaders are not passive.”

HABIT 4: The “Me” and “I” Mentality

If you find yourself using “Me” and “I” a lot in meetings or conversations, it might be a sign that you have a self-centered mentality.

You think too much about yourself rather than the greater whole of the team or organization.

You need to train your brain to think and speak differently.

Instead of using “me and “I” (which communicates that it’s all about you), use “we” and “us” (which communicates a collective approach).

When you do this, it helps reinforce the team mentality and makes everyone feel they have equity in the team.

It may seem like a small shift, but it’s really important.

HABIT 5: The “I’ll Just Do It” Mindset

This has everything to do with micromanaging and delegation.

It’s also one of the nastiest habits that can hold back potential growth.

A lot of leaders have this “I’ll just do it” mindset.

This can flow from a few things.

First, they may not trust someone to do the job right. That’s either an ego problem, a lack of training problem, or a "you hired the wrong person” problem.

Second, it might be that the leader doesn’t want to let go of a certain responsibility because they enjoy it.

Third, it could be a sign that the leader is being lazy. They might not want to put in the work to train someone, so they just settle for the “I’ll Just Do It” Mindset.

No matter the reason, you can’t do this as a leader.

You HAVE to delegate, and you CANNOT micromanage.

You’ve got to delegate, provide support, and then let go.

So, instead of developing the habit of saying “I’ll just do it,” say, “Do you need anything from me to do this?”

This does two things.

First, it ensures that the person has the support they need to do the job right.

Second, it lets you hold the person accountable to do the job right because you’ve offered to help.

The answer might be yes at first, but eventually it will be no.

That’s good.

HABIT 6: Nitpicking

I used to be really bad at this one in the early days of my leadership.

I would nitpick the smallest little things that at the time I thought were important, but looking back, they really weren’t moving the needle very much.

These days, I still nitpick every now and then, because I care a lot about excellence, but I’ve learned that nitpicking usually doesn’t have a big impact on quality, but it has a huge impact on the person you’re leading.

Nitpicking can break team members down if you aren’t careful.

Nitpicking things isn’t necessarily the bad part; it’s HOW you go about it that can be bad.

For instance, let’s say you have a team member who poured their heart and soul into a project, they bring it to you and it’s good, but the only feedback you offer is a handful of nitpicking edits.

You might take away that the project is good, and that it’ll be slightly better with the edits you suggested.

But the other person only takes away negative feedback.

It makes their hard work and effort feel undervalued and underappreciated.

That’s not good.

Now, again, nitpicking isn’t necessarily bad. It can signal a value of excellence if it’s done the right way.

To do this, you need to get in the habit of pointing out all the great things first, then, and only then, should you let them know that you have a few “nitpicky” things you wanted to point out.

In other words, start by affirming all of their hard work and encouraging the quality, and then fully communicate that you're going to point out a few small things.

People will actually respect nitpicking if it’s done like this, because they want it to be excellent too.

HABIT 7: Hoarding or Hiding Information

This just sounds toxic, doesn’t it?

But you know, it happens all the time.

Now, to be clear, I’m not referring to certain information that should be private for obvious reasons.

For instance, I think keeping people’s personal information private is appropriate.

This would include obvious things like compensation, work performance plans, etc.

What I’m talking about is when leaders hoard or hide information that would indicate the organization's health.

I’m talking about leaders who hoard the information in order to hide when numbers are down and only surface when numbers are up.

That’s not healthy.

This is a sign that the leader is insecure and overly controlling.

Instead, a healthy leader should choose transparency and bring their people into the hills and valleys.

If numbers are down, the leader jumps into action, bringing the right people together to understand why and how to respond.

A hidden problem only grows; bring it into the light, however, and it can be eradicated.

Another benefit of being transparent with information is that it builds relational trust and equity.

A leader needs to understand that they aren’t the hero of the story.

The people are. The collective. The community. Whatever you want to call it.

If you have a hero complex than you’ve got a problem.

If you want buy-in from the people, then be more transparent with the information and invite them to be part of the solution.

This also means that you share the highs with them.

This leads us to the next habit.

HABIT 8: Casting Blame and Taking Credit

Since Adam and Eve, we’ve had the innate desire to cast blame and take credit.

But a leader doesn’t do this.

A leader accepts ultimate responsibility and gives credit away.

It’s pretty straightforward.

HABIT 9: People Pleasing

The reality of leadership is that you can’t set out to make everyone happy.

A leader’s job is not to do what the people want, but to do what's right for the greater good.

Instead of pleasing, you need to be investing.

Instead of giving people what they want, you need to invest in what they need.

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As always, keep fighting the good fight!

And I'll see you again real soon!