When You Realize You're the Problem (Try This Instead)

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A couple of years ago, I had a massive realization as a leader.

I needed to change how I lead.

Don’t get me wrong, our team was happy, our initiatives were thriving, and everything was growing and looking great.

But I realized that all of that was dependent on me in an unhealthy way.

And I knew that it wasn’t sustainable.

I may have helped get us where we were, but I would quickly become the problem if I didn’t make some serious changes.

For one thing, I was tired.

I had three kids at the time.

I had just spent an enormous amount of energy leading our team through the very challenging COVID pandemic.

If you were a leader during that time, you know how hard that was.

It was two years of getting the absolute snot beaten out of you.

On the home front, my wife’s father passed unexpectedly, we were wrestling with multiple consecutive miscarriages, and I was wrapping up three hard years of grad school.

I was tired.

And I knew that the dreams we had for the future were not reachable with my current leadership know-how.

I felt stuck.

The solution for so long was that I could just make things happen.

I can work harder, research more, and find a way to get the job done to move things forward.

But that wasn’t going to work this time.

I wasn’t the solution, I was the problem.

I needed to become a better leader.

So, I started reading everything I could get my hands on.

When my fourth child was born, I read something like 12 books in just a couple of weeks while I was on paternity leave.

I was desperate to crack the code on the next phase of my leadership journey.

Three books stand out during that learning season, and each delivered a powerful leadership lesson that I desperately needed.

I know many of you are feeling tired, stuck, and in need of a leadership remodel.

Let me tell you, this episode is for you!

Let’s get into it!

LESSON 1: “WHO NOT HOW”

For years, I was asking the wrong questions as a leader.

Questions like…

“How do I do this?”

“How do I fix this?”

“How do I grow this?”

“How do I accomplish this?”

“How, how, how…” and “I, I, I…”

And then, I read this book that changed my thinking.

It’s called “Who Not How” by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Ben Hardy.

I understood the importance of delegation, but not like this.

This one’s different.

It’s more than a shift in behavior; it’s a shift in mindset.

I stopped thinking “how,” and I started thinking “who.”

“Who can do this?”

“Who can fix this?”

“Who can grow this?”

“Who can make this happen?”

“Who, who, who…”

It changed everything.

Over the past year, I’ve been putting this into practice more and more.

I’ve learned that it’s bigger than just delegation; it’s delegation on steroids.

Not only have I been able to revolutionize how I go about things, but I’ve seen my team grow in their leadership and capacity.

It’s also allowed me to be the “who” for other people.

I’ve been able to lean into initiatives that I’ve wanted to develop for years.

It’s wonderful.

It reminds me of an old leadership maxim, I think it was Harry Truman who said it, “It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit."

That’s the power of “Who Not How.”

It unlocks a completely different growth mindset.

I highly recommend you pick this book up and read it.

It’s a critical piece of the leadership puzzle.

It helped me tremendously.

LESSON 2: SCALING PRACTICES

One of the rabbit holes I went down in my leadership research was the topic of scaling.

I felt like I knew how to grow things, but I didn’t know how to scale things.

And there’s a difference.

Scaling differs from growth in that it focuses more on structure, systems, processes, and dynamics that support healthy growth and increase overall productivity.

One of the books I found really helpful during this time was “Traction” by Gino Wickman.

In a season when I felt like things were a little out of control and unclear, this book gave me the leadership confidence to respond in a healthy way.

Here are the two biggest scaling practices that I took away:

1. Keep a scorecard

2. Rethink structure annually

Let’s talk about both.

First, a scorecard.

There’s an old business maxim: anything that is measured and watched improves.

It’s also been said that what gets measured gets done.

A scorecard is your measuring device.

You can put any metrics you want on it.

It’s designed to track what’s important to you.

It helps you see how well you’re doing and gives you immediate feedback on areas that might need attention.

I used to go off of what I saw or how I felt.

But I learned that you can’t do that.

What you see and how you feel aren’t accurate.

Now, I have multiple scorecards.

I track numbers and stats, but one of my favorite scorecards is my personal journal.

Every day, I document what I’m seeing, thinking, and feeling.

I write numbers, I write what I’m wrestling with, I write what happened that day, pretty much anything on my mind, and I always note the date, time, and weather that day of my entry.

Not only do I find it incredibly therapeutic, but it’s also allowed me to look back and study where I used to be and compare it with where I am now.

It puts a lot of things into perspective.

Another scorecard that I encourage you to have is a physical calendar.

We can tend to think in terms of days and weeks, but we also need to keep track of the big picture.

There’s something about spreading a calendar open and looking at a whole month or an entire year at a time that is so helpful.

Keeping a scorecard, whether it's statistics, results, numbers, a calendar, or a journal, has dramatically improved my life and leadership.

It lets you keep a pulse on things and predict and plan what’s around the corner.

This is a critical practice in scaling.

The second one is to rethink structure annually.

Essentially, with each season of growth, the systems, roles, and strategies that got you that growth will start to expire.

They will likely become the same systems, roles, and strategies that will keep you from your next season of growth.

After reading this book, I’m convinced that some kind of restructuring should take place annually.

My team, in fact, has come to expect this.

Every year, I schedule 1:1 meetings with my team to get a sense of where everyones at.

I walk away with great information.

I can then rethink everything, all of our systems and individual roles, and we feel complete freedom to pivot as needed into the next season.

Now, I know throwing around the “restructuring” word in some organizations can create anxiety and fear in people.

But I think that’s because a lot of organizations don’t restructure enough or don’t restructure in a healthy way.

So, when it happens, people freak out.

But if you communicate this as a natural annual process to keep things healthy and growing, then your people will understand and appreciate that.

A couple of years ago, I took on a bet that I could keep plants in my office alive for an entire year.

I know nothing about plants, but I purchased three different kinds, and so far, I’m proud to say they've all survived for 2 years now.

However, I started noticing they weren’t looking so good recently.

My brother, who’s really into plants, mentioned that they need to be repotted with new soil every now and then.

It’s interesting how the plant can survive with water and sunlight, but as it grows, it eventually needs a complete restructuring to survive.

New pot, new soil, new life…

It works the same way in leadership.

Now, I get that this can feel like a lot of work, but if you really care about your team, your business, or your organization, you need to restructure things regularly to keep things healthy.

This could be systems that don’t work anymore, roles that need to be redefined, organizational charts that need to be rethought, meetings that are no longer needed, you get the idea…

And remember, this is why you have a scorecard.

It informs how you restructure.

But there’s something else that keeps leaders stuck.

It’s what I went through a couple of years ago, and it’s what you might be going through now.

It has everything to do with seasons of leadership.

LESSON 3: SEASONS

My wife says my favorite word is seasons.

And it’s true, I do think and speak in terms of seasons a lot.

But let me explain why I think this is so important.

One of the books that I read that reinforced this lesson was a book called “Shoe Dog.”

It’s Phil Knight's memoir detailing the founding and early years of Nike, from selling shoes out of a car trunk with a $50 loan to becoming a global brand that we all know.

This book chronicles all of the risks, setbacks, and triumphs.

I was struck by just how hard a road it was for Phil Knight to realize the Nike brand we all know today.

As it goes with any success story, there were some really dark and scary seasons.

Seasons where Nike could have never been realized.

Knight talks about the many terrifying risks he encountered along the way, the crushing setbacks, the ruthless competitors, the countless doubters and haters.

It was not an easy road.

One of the funniest parts of the book to me was reading how the famous Nike “Swoosh” logo was created.

It was created by a graphic design student at Portland State University for just $35, and Phil Knight was disappointed with it.

He said, "I don't love it, but it will grow on me."

This is why I love reading books like this.

Because it puts things into perspective.

I think a lot of people can get hung up on small things or short seasons and lose sight of the greater picture.

People often think success stories are fast and predictable.

And it’s almost never like that.

It’s almost always slow, uncertain, volatile, and disillusioning.

There are constant ups and downs, but over time, if you stay in the game long enough, you get to see what all of the seasons produce.

Sadly, a lot of leaders jump ship in the dead of winter, and they never see the fruit of spring.

It’s kind of like the stock market.

The wisest investors understand that there are crazy highs and lows.

But they don’t focus on those seasons.

They focus on the long-term.

Over time, it grows.

Seasons come and go.

Leadership is all about navigating the different seasons and focusing on the bigger picture.

You may be in a hard season, but don’t throw in the towel.

At the end of every episode, I say, “Keep fighting the good fight.”

It’s not original to me, but I’ve certainly adopted it as a personal motto.

It comes from one of my historical heroes, the Apostle Paul, from the first century AD.

Paul lived a hard but meaningful life.

There’s a letter he wrote to a young man named Timothy.

He said, “Don’t be afraid of suffering… Work at telling others the Good News, and fully carry out the ministry God has given you. As for me, my life has already been poured out as an offering to God. The time of my death is near. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful.” (2 Timothy 4:5-8, NLT)

That’s the charge I want to leave you with today.

We can talk about skills and practices; those things are important, but the most powerful leadership lesson of all is simply to never give up.

Even in the hard seasons.

Keep fighting the good fight.

Well, I hope this episode served you.

And I’ll see you again real soon!